The truth is always exciting. Speak it, then. Life is dull without it. – Pearl S.Buck
Truth: I am writing from the comfort of my bed using a new app on my iPhone.
Truth: I like to think my pregnancy has been easy, not horribly uncomfortable, and I’ve handled it well. BUT I’m thinking I might be wrong.
Truth: My feet are still huge, despite thinking MSGs were the cause and despite laying down all evening.
Truth: I spend a lot of time reading about labor and natural childbirth, but I think I’m not capable of withstanding the pain with medication. From everything I’ve read I would like to avoid an epidural, which is linked to more frequent use of pitosin, episiotomy, forceps, and vacuum to assist after the epidural slows down the progress & makes labor more difficult. I don’t want Sawyer to stressed and pulled out by attaching a vacuum to the top of his tiny head because I can’t manage the pain that millions of woman pre-epidural era were able to manage. I’ve always said it isn’t the time to prove you’re tough, but now I realize it isn’t about toughness or proving anything. It is about making the best choice for me and our son.
Truth: Thinking of childbirth scares me. Horrifies me. Reminder that I am a wimp. Reminder that I am nuts to consider not having an epidural.
Truth: Thinking of walking out the hospital doors with our son scares me more. Just us and him? Yikes. Will we know when hs needs held, when is too much, when he is hungry, when he needs something. Will we ever sleep again? Will I be able to feed him? Do we have everything he needs?
Truth: My pelvis feels like it is going to come apart at any moment. I ache all night and can’t seem to find a position to sleep in that makes it stop. Reminder that I am a wimp. If I can’t handle this then I can’t handle birth.
Truth: I am amazed that women have been doing this forever. I can’t imagine still working the land, washing clothes in the creek, preparing food without today’s convieneces… all while pregnant. I could not do it back then.
Truth: This blog could be summed up in one sentence. I am scared and unsure of myself.
I know you’re scared. I am too. I don’t know about the pain but I can understand how that is frightening and currently very unpleasant. However, I also know that I will be by your side helping and encouraging you. I will be next to you when we walk out of the hospital with our son. I will be here, helping at home and doing anything I can to make things easier.
You have been great and tough and amazing so far. I feel very strongly that you will continue to during labor and after Sawyer’s born. I know you may be unsure, but I am sure that you will be a great mom. I will make sure I’ll do everything I can to be a good dad. It will be ok. In fact, it will be great! Being a parent will be awesome and I think it will suit your perfectly.
Aww, that’s sweet. And I’ll echo Dan’s thoughts – you’ll do great.
(And Dan too).